Balanced Living

Why do people thrive on negative attention:

I was recently able to view a situation where a particular person thrived on negative attention. Were all guilty of it, but this really took me back to my own situation when I was getting divorced several years ago. I was more astonished at my own state of mind more then anything. My actions were horrific. I mean seriously who wants to sit and listen to that negative person? What state of mind are we in at that point when all we can talk about is something negative.

When we focus in on the negative, the more we talk about the negative the more negative is drawn to us. It’s a constant cycle. Imagine this. A whirlpool, starting off at the top going around slow and the longer your in it the faster you start to spin until you can’t control it any longer. I call it circling the drain. During my divorce I was in this pattern. The more I talked about it to people the worse my divorce became or so it seemed. No longer did I have friends because all I could do is talk about negative. People became tired of this. I soon realized that anything negative that was happening in my life was based solely on myself and my thoughts. I was in a state of depression. Sad but true.

What changed:

Waking up one day I realized that I had made myself into someone I wasn’t. I had taken months off work. Lived in my own self pity. No one to talk too. No one would listen.

I sat at the counter one day and said to myself, this isn’t who I am. I am the person that is the life of the party. People use to want to be around me. So I asked myself what I could do to bring myself back to the person I use to be. It was honestly all to easy. I quit talking about it. Not saying the thoughts weren’t there but just quit talking about it. I would visit friends or family or they would visit me and ask how things are going. I would say ” Things are Great! ” then they would ask about the divorce, and I would tell them hey it’s a divorce, no big deal and I really don’t feel like talking about it anymore. It was truly that simple for me. I would keep myself occupied with things to do, places to go and people to see. After a couple of weeks I realized it wasn’t all that bad.

The feeder:

Looking back at all of this I found that people fed the negative. It was drama in my life, and gossip for other people to talk about. What happens is something in your life goes wrong and friends or family look at it like this. Thank god it’s not happening to me. You may tell a relative and that person may tell their spouse and then the cycle continues. it’s the Oh my god did you here what happened to Jane phenomenon. You have someones ear for the moment, but the problem is they have their own life to live.  Your further in the whirlpool of depression, so now you turn to other people that haven’t heard it and you then tell them  your problems… Do you see where I’m going with this.

If asked what is the strongest muscle in our body it should be easily answered. Our brain. Sometimes overpowering our conscience awareness spinning us out of control. Taking control back can sometimes be easier then we think.

Taking Control:

This means taking control of you life and your thoughts. For some this is easier said then done. Regardless of the situation though we can always take control of these two things. For instance, taking control of your life means not letting things get to you that may often do. Make a list of things that you think control your life and ask yourself what you can actually do to control them. ie… Money, often times people think they can not control this and you might be saying I only make so much but reverse the thought process, rather then say I don’t make enough say to yourself what can I do to spend less. Another example is time. All to often I hear people say I don’t have enough time during the day. Seriously who is in control of your day? You or the clock. Instead of maxing yourself out with things to do make the list half the length and then you won’t feel so far behind. Relieve some of that stress.

Now take control of your thoughts. I wrote earlier in another blog to relax. Have you ever tried to take a nap and your mind was still racing? This is not uncommon. Take the time to breath and concentrate solely on your breaths. Listen to your heart beat. Cycle yourself down. Now remember we would never have been in the position were in unless we thought about it to begin with. If I’m ever running behind schedule I’ll say to myself there is a universal reason for it. Remember there is a reason for everything. To keep myself in a happy state of mind I’ll often watch the funniest video I can before I go to bed and do the same the first thing when I wake up in the morning. This keeps me on track to have a great attitude which keeps me in control of my thoughts and if I do find myself letting my thoughts get the best of me, I’ll stop and say to myself enough. I’m in control now. I’m consciously aware of my thoughts and what I’m thinking. It’s taken some time to do this but I have won this battle. Another thing I learned to do is forgive. This let’s me be in control of my positive thinking. This keeps me from thinking negatively about a person or situation. Given time we can control our entire life and train oneself to think positively all the time. It’s totally up to you though. Remember no one else is in control of your life besides you.

You are only what you think. We live, we learn.